Inglês

For Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety for my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts abd grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set good example for the children.

We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.

Before you kill yourself

- Read These Brutal Facts About Suicide

You’ve decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out.

Fine – but before kill yourself, there are some things you should know. I am a psychiatric nurse, and I see the results of suicide – when it works and, more often, when it doesn’t. Consider, before you act, these facts:

         Suicide is usually not successful. You think you know a way to guarantee it? Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone.

         What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leaped from a building. Now he’s brain damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lifes in a fog. But worst of all, he knows he used to be normal.

         Even less violent methods can leave you crippled. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? It takes awhile. You turn yellow. It’s a hard way to go.

         No method is foolproof. What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm, and no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his “foolproof” suicide. You might too. 

Before you kill yourself (cont.)

                                                                 

Suicide is not glamorous. You may picture a movie star in a negligée drifting off to eternal sleep from an overdose of pills. But your picture omits a likely sickening reality: as she dies, her sphincter muscles relax, and that beautiful gown is soiled with her excrement.

         Who will clean your blood off the carpet, or scape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning crews may refuse that job – but someone has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hanged yourself, or identify your body after you’re drowned? Your mother? Your wife? Your son?

         The carefully worded “loving” suicide note is no help. Those who loved you will never completely recover. They’ll feel regret, and an unending pain. And rage, because at that moment, you cared only about yourself.

         Suicide is contagious. Look around at your family: sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, husbands, wife. Look closely at the four-year-old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and may do it ten years from now. It’s fact that suicide often follows suicide in families, and kids are especially vulnerable.

         You do have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hot line. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.

         They will tell you that there’s hope. Maybe you’ll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. Or when you meet someone shopping. You don’t know – no one does. But what you’re seeking could be just a minute, a day, or a month away.

         You say you don’t want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we’ll work with whatever you have left.

New York Taxis – Lost and Founds

New York City cab drivers must think riders would lose their heads if they weren’t attached. Every day, passengers leave computers, cell phones, and briefcases behind. But what happens when $33,000 shows up on the backseat? Well, if it’s the rider’s lucky day, she gets it back.

That’s exactly what happened to an elderly woman who left her entire life savings – in cash – in a sack in a yellow cab. After robbers hit her Harlem apartment for the third time, the 71-year-old vowed that no thieves would get their hands on her money. She figured the best way to guard her cash was to keep it nearby – like within eyesight.

That worked for a while. Until the summer evening two years ago she left a leather bag stuffed with $32,849.05 in a taxi. “Dear God,” he said to herself. “I don’t have a nickel to my name and I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Fortunately, the driver knew exactly what to do. Qurbe Tirmizi, a 20-year-old Pakistani immigrant, had been on the job for only three weeks. But when he noticed the bag on the backseat he drove straight to the police department and turned in the money. Every penny.

Officers went to the woman’s apartment to tell her the good news and took her to the Central Park precint, where she retrieved her money and met her Good Samaritan. Tirmizi even turned down a rewards. “Just pray that I do well in school,” he told his would-be benefactor. Althought the police advised the woman to remain anonymous, stories about Tirmizi’s good deed made it into all the media. Incredulous New Yorkers told the tale of the woman, the money and the cabbie all over the city.

Jokes They’re Laughing At in the U.S.A.

Text I

         A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose dog is smarter. “My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He pays the kid. Then he brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee.”

         “I know,” says the second owner.

         “How do you know?”

         “My dog told me.”

Text II

         A dying man tells his doctor, lawyer, and preacher, “I have 90,000 dollars under my mattress. At my funeral  I want each of you to toss an envelope with 30,000 dollars into the grave.” After telling them this, he dies.

After the funeral, each throws his envelope into the grave. Later, the preacher says, “I mut confess. I needed 10,000 dollars for my new church. So I only threw in 20,000 dollars.”

The doctor admits, “I needed 20,000 dollars for the new equipment at the hospital. So I only had 10,000 dollars in the envelope.”

“Gentlemen, I can’t  believe that you would ignore this man’s final wish, “ says the lawyer. “I threw in my personal check for the full amount.”

Text III

         The boss finds one of her workers fast asleep. Rather than wake him, she quietly places a note on the man’s chest, It says: “As long as you’re asleep, you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you’re fired.”

All in a day’s rest

-         Portugal

In sun-drenched southern Europe, there's nothing quite so beloved as an afternoon doze. But the tradition has faded i recent years, in part because of the desire to harmonize working hours within the EU. One group of Portuguese professionals refuses to take the siesta's demise lying down. A band of journalists, lawyers and even one member of Parliament are rallying to preserve the midday snooze. "Great historical personalities used to take a nap in the afternoon so that they had their work rhythm adapted to their biological rhythm," says Jose Miguel Medeiros, a founder of the Portuguese Association of Friends of the Siesta and a Parliament member. "People like Newton, who thought of gravity's law when an apple hit him on the head while taking a nap.”

Medeiros and his cohorts plan to support a scientific study, enlisting the help of neurologists and sleep therapists to exchange ideas with countries where breaks during the day are the norm. Do naps warrant so much work?  Medeiros thinks they do. Siestas are a way of fighting the stresses of modern life, he says, and the stifling Mediterranean climate makes working during the afternoon virtually unbearable anyway. On top of that, says Medeiros, Portugal’s Spanish neighbors still reserve the right to siesta in peace – and they’re anything but unproductive.

Text McDonald’s

Can a Frenchman revive Europe's appetite for the Big Mac? Denis Hennequin, __________ ran McDonald's in France, is now trying to repeat the success he had in his home country as the new head of the American fast-food giant's European operations.

On April 13th, McDonald's said that, while it expects first-quarter profits to improve thanks to renewed growth in America, sales in Europe hardly grew at all.

Thought it seems unlikely, France is the only place in Europe that has consistently loved McDonald's since the first outlet opened there in 1979. McDonald's might well be an icon of American culture and globalization in a country _______________ people take to the streets to protest against both.

 Text I - Health News

The morning after

Do you suffer from hangovers? one glass too many of that wonderful red wine and the nest day you have a throbbing headache.

         Jefrey Wiese, a professor at Tulane University, discovered hangovers cost the USA $ 148 million a year in lost working hours.

         Researchers have identified the cause og hangovers: the chemical compound congener. One product, Chaser, uses charcoal and calcium carbonate to absorb these compounds and the results are impressive. You just take a pill before drinking each glass of alcohol, but be careful: it doesn’t stop you from getting drunk!

Text II – Salt Wars

The British government has a new enemy: salt. Salt causes high blood pressure and 120,000 heart attacks in Britain each year. How does salt do this? A high level of salt causes water retention, so there is more blood for the heart to pump and blood pressure goes up.

The problem isn’t the salt on your table at home, it is the salt in processed food and bread. We consume 9.5 grams per day, but we only need 6 grams. The British government wants producers of breakfast cereals, pizza, soups and biscuits to reduce salt levels, but this is a huge problem because salt is used in food products for many reasons, from adding flavor, to controlling fermentation and preservation.

Text III – Fit Like Pitt

        

Finally, some good news: we can ignore those adverts that guarantee perfect abdominals.

We can forget those horrific exercises. Every single person has perfect abdominal muscles, just like Brad Pitt (on the left, in FIGHT CLUB). The problem is that they are invisible. They are covered by fat. The abdominal exercise machines do not help burn this fat,

so what we need is a good diet and to go running!

Electronic Eye

Visually-impaired people may soon be able to do away a cane or guide dog, thanks to an invention by two Japaneses scientists. This new device, know as an “electronic eye (above)”, is essentially a navigation system attached to a pair of eyeglasses. Thanks to a camera, this invention detects when a wearer is approaching a zebra crossing, how far away the curb is and what color appears on the traffic light. Such information is relayed to a tiny computer and then communicated via a voice speech system and speaker near the wearer’s ear.

With Rock Fans Faint: Science Finally Comes to Its Senses

WASHINGTON – One of the most peculiar public health hazards in post-Presley America – epidemic fainting at pop-music concert – is a phenomenon familiar to legions of adolescents. Their parents may be less aware of the threat, which has barely engaged the attention of modern science.

         Concerned that the mechanism of mass fainting has been “neglected in the medical literature”, two German physicians recently braved a concert there by New Kids on the Block and worked with first-aid staff a Red Cross infirmary where the stricken were treated.

         According to the doctors’ report in the Thursday issue of The New England Journal of Medicine, some 400 concertgoers fainted, all of the girls 11 to 17. The researchers, Drs. Martin Bauer and Thomas Lempert, interviewed 40 of the victims and found that they fell into two general groups . Forty percent had lost consciousness entirely – the classic fainting condition known as syncope – whereas the rest had become faint but remained alert.

         Based on their observations, Drs. Bauer and Lempert discerned a phenomenon certainly as old as Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley and the Beatles since the symptoms apparently have less to do with the musical genre than the state of the fans.

With Rock Fans Faint: Science Finally Comes to Its Senses (cont.)

Fainting is a temporary loss of consciousness caused by insufficient oxygen in the brain, and can be brought on by a variety of circumstances. In the case of the German fans, the researchers found at least five likely causes:

-         “Sleeplessness during the previous night,” perhaps from the thrill of anticipation.

-         “Fasting from early in the morning, when they had first lined up.”

-         “A long period of standing in the arena.”

-         “Hyperventilation, which leads to cerebral vasoconstriction” – that is, heavy breathing that produces narrowing of blood vessels that supply the brain.

-         Abnormal pressure within the chest “induced either by screaming or by eternal compression of the thorax by the pushing masses.”

The 60 percent of girls who did not faint experienced panic attacks from being squashed in the mob or from hyperventilation.

The doctors suggest the following guidelines for concertgoers: “Sleep, eat, sit, keep cool and stay out of the crowd. But what teenage fan will do that?”

Apostila 1

Police Kill Man Holding Knife to Woman He Had Wounded

A Brooklyn man was shot and killed by the police last night as he held a knife to the throat of a woman inside on East Flatbush apartment, the authorities said.

     The woman, who had already been stabbed to least once before the police arrived on the scene, was listed in stable condition last night at Kings County Hospital Center, the authorities said.

     They would not identify the woman and the man, but neighbors said both were in their 20’s.

     The police said that the man was arrested on Saturday on charges that the violated an order of protection that had been obtained by the woman.

     Four officers went to the Vanderveer Houses, a public housing complex on New York Avenue where the woman alive, about 8:30 p.m. last night, after the police received an anonymous 911 call from someone discrediting screams coming from the woman’s fifth-floor apartment, according to investigators at the scene.

     When the officers approached the apartment, the woman opened the front door and screamed for the help, the investigators said. But the man pulled her back inside and immediately shut the door, according to the police.

     The police responded by kicking the door open. The man was holding a knife to the woman’s throat, and she was already bloody from a stab wound, the authorities said.

     After the man ignored several warnings to put down his knife, one of the officers fired a shot, striking the man in the head, the police said. He was declared dead at the scene.

The Largest Community Outside Italy

Neither New York, nor Buenos Aires. The largest Italian community outside Italy. The largest Italian community outside Italy is located in Sao Paulo, the wealthiest and biggest city in South America. According to the Italian embassy, more than 3 million Italian immigrants and descendants live in the city.

The community in São Paulo is so vast that it outnumbers the traditional Italian colony of New York, which counts as many as 2 million people. However, the Italian-Americans are much better organized, which makes the known all around the world.

         The Italian residents of São Paulo love to boast about the huge size of their community. To show off, they usually mention population numbers of Italian cities. Rome, for example, capital of the country, has 2.7 million inhabitants whereas more than 5 million people of Italian ascendancy live in the State of São Paulo.

         During the main years of immigration (1870 until 1920), 1.3 million Italians arrived in Brazil. Approximately 70% of them came to work and stay in São Paulo. The first ones to arrive in the country expecting to accomplish the prosperity dream were the Venetians and Lombardians. Citizens from Napoles, Calabria and Sicilia followed suit.

         The precarious working conditions in Brazil, however, made 510.000 return to Italy. Even so, the immigration flow continued until the mid 50`s. The Italians established themselves in old laborer neighborhoods such as Mooca, Bras and Bexiga, still significant strongholds of the community.

The truth is that Italians established in the city and influenced its inhabitants with their culture and joyful way of living. Good cantines and Italian restaurants are a trademark of São Paulo.

Those Places are just great to celebrate the victories of Palmeiras – or of the biggest opponent, Corinthians – soccer teams that came out from Italian roots. It is easy to perceive the Italian accent of São Paulo natives during those parties.

The Best Companion

ROBERT FOSTER is a 24 and cannot feed himself. He is paralyzed from the shoulders down, the result or a car accident. Hellion is four, a Capuchin money who has been trained to act as Robert’s arms and legs. When Robert makes clicking sounds with this tongue, or gives verbal commands, Hellion feeds him. She also fetches and carries his food, opens the refrigerator, takes out prepared meals and clears the dishes afterwards. The white stickers in the refrigerator indicate areas which the monkey recognizes as `forbidden`.

Each morning Hellion tidies Robert’s hair with a soft-bristled hair brush. He rewards her with banana pellets which are dispensed from a device attached to his wheelchair.

This is the result of a long training programmer which did not always go so well. Early on, Hellion stuck her tongue out and threatened her trainers and Robert. She had to have all her teeth taken out to make sure she did not give anyone a dangerous bite. Even without teeth, when she bit the photographer who took this photo, it was unpleasant enough. Once, Hellion unscrewed a fuse in the electric motor on Robert’s wheelchair, and she expressed her disapproval in many other ways.

She has adapted now and actually seems to enjoy looking after Robert: and he would now be lost without her.

Bumper Stickers for Ladies

Behind every successful woman is herself. 

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels. 

 A woman is like a tea bag... you don't know how strong 

she is until you put her in hot water. 

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. 

So many men, so few who can afford me. 

God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends.

Coffee, chocolate, men . Some things are just better rich. 

Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.  

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.

Do not start with me. You will not win. 

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

And my favorite!

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

... With a Honey of a Pair

            When Rachel Anderson, then 13, was featured in a May 1993 GEOGRAPHIC article about her family’s life as traveling beekeepers, a friend teased her: “Some guy will read this, come to work with you, and fall in love with you.” Meanwhile, in Oklahoma, Melody Drake saw the story and pointed it out to her 13-year-old son, Richard, who was interested in bees and had been begging for a hive of his own. “Look,” she told him, “these beekeepers have a daughter your age.”

Sure enough, Rachel and Richard both ended up at Weimar College, a tiny Seventh-day Adventist school in California. She mentioned that she was a beekeeper’s daughter – “it’s great conversation starter, “ she says. Later his mother said to him, `I bet she’s that girl from the NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC article`.”

     Rachel and Richard (in the photo) began dating, and he eventually did work for her father, tending the family bees. Things took their natural course, and the two were married on April 8, 2001.

Clearing the Roads – Traffic

         The streets of London are rocking – or at least rolling – again. Last week the traffic-clogged metropolis began demanding a £5 ($ 8) congestion charge from all daytime motorists entering the busiest areas of the city. The result: a drop of nearly 25 percent in traffic.

         The decongestant scheme employs some 700 cameras. Any driver who enters the zone – a patch of around eight square miles – between 7 a.m and 6:30 p.m. that same day to pay the charge. (You can pay by telephone, over the internet or in certain shops. Season passes are also available.) The cameras check the registration plate or every car against the payment records, and failure to cough up the cash lands one an £80 fine. The extra revenue from the charge and fines, esimated at up to £150 million a year, will go toward the improvement of public transport.

         The idea is catching on. Britain alone, at the least 30 other towns and cities are contemplating the tactic. Similar setups are already in operation in Singapore and Norway. But although all flowed smoothly last week, questions remains. Will the decrease in traffic hurt local businesses? Will traffic jams start up outside the zone? For now, all that’s certain in the 15.000-plus Londoners who he already been fined will be unhappiest men *straphangers come Monday.

• straphangers = usuários de metro

Don’t Give the “A – OK” sign in Tunisia – it’s a death threat

         Forming a circle with you thumb and forefinger means “A – OK” in America. But do this in Tunisia and you could be in hot water – because there it means “ I’ll kill you!”.

         Our “A-OK” sign also means “worthless” or a “zero” in France... and if you make this gesture in Japan, the Japanese will think you’re begging for money.

         Common gestures mean surprisingly different things in different cultures, according to world-famous anthropologist Desmond Morris, author of the book “Manwatching”.

         “Sometimes when you’re making a normal, unconscious gesture you can get yourself in trouble if you don’t know what you’re doing”, warns Morris.

         “During conversation it’s common for people to touch or pull at an earlobe. But be careful about doing that Italy – because if you’re talking to a man you’re making a big sexual insult.”

         Shaking your head from side to side means “no” in the U.S. But it means  “yes” in Bulgaria and parts of Greece, Cyprus and Turkey.

         Different cultures also have their own gesture for the same thought, Morris added.

         For example, we signify a beautiful girl by making an exaggerated outline of the female figure with our hands. In Greece, however, a man gently strokes a cheek with one hand.

THE HI-TECH WORLD

Text I – TV Togetherness

“Together, for ever.” This expression takes on a whole new meaning, thanks to a new controlled-viewing-angle LCD screen currently available only in Japan. This new example of high technology created by Sharp allows two people viewing the same screen at the same time to see two entirely different images depending on the angle of vision. For more information, visit www.sharp-world.com.

Text II – Water-Free Washing

A washing machine that cleans clothes without water or detergent. That’s what may be in store thanks to the Airwash Washing Machine, which uses negative ions, compressed air and antibacterial deodorants to clean clothes. This device has one drawback however: only one article can be cleaned at a time.

Text III – Cyberspace Recycling

         www.freecycle.com is a new website that helps people find new owners for things they don’t anymore. Simply post your object on the local Freecycle website and wait for the e-mails to come in. All objects are given away at no cost to the person chosen by its owner. With obvious environmental benefits, this site is just one solution to the growing problem of the waste of useful goods.

The Friendliest Folks

-         Helpfulness

These day we all know which a nation is the most powerful in the world. But power isn’t everything. If you’re looking to escape the arrogance, why not head to the friendliest nation in the world? According to a study recently published in American Scientist, that would be Brazil, thanks to the super Samaritans of Rio de Janeiro. The study’s author, psychology professor Robert Levine of California State University in Fresno, ranked 23 different cities in the world based on the three “trials of helpfulness” – helping a blink person cross a busy intersection, assisting an injured person in picking up a magazine from the ground and returning a dropped pen to its rightful owner – to see how many strangers would take on the role of Do-Gooders.

The results: Latin America rules. Four of the world’s 11 friendliest cities – Rio de Janeiro; San José, Costa Rica; Mexico City, and San Salvador – are in the region. And in both Rio and San José, strangers escorted the experimenters (who feigned blindness) 100 percent of the time. (In all, more than 1.000 people were subjected to the trials.) What’s nicest to know is that those friendly folks in Latin America are not alone. In Prague, too, all “blind” people were escorted. (Only half the strangers there would stoop to recover a fallen pen, though. Perhaps Czechs prefer pencils?) Oh, and in case you were wondering where to avoid on your next holiday, New Yorkers came in second to last. Only 30 percent of the rotten bunch in the Big Apple picked up the pen, and even fewer helped the injured person. But at least New Yorkers did assist three out of every four blind people. That’s better than the folks in Kuala Lumpur. The best Levine could conclude about them was that they were “not helpful at all.”